Hurting
by Lotushunny
Summary: The unspeakable happens to Callie. Both Arizona and Callie are finding themselves again amidst the hurt and pain they are going through. Will they lean on each other or will differences amount between them...Trigger warning! this storyline touches on sexual violence and may be triggering to survivors.


**Hello everyone, I do not own Callie and Arizona, credits go to the amazing shondaland. I wrote this with the intention of it being a one piece only with just this chapter. But if there are any amazing people who want it to be continued I can give the story or a collaboration.**

How did they get here Arizona thought, it had been a tough couple of weeks and she felt drained, emotionally drained, physically drained and she hurt. She hurt for Callie, she hurt for everything that had happened. She hurt for happy moments that they had shared before this had happened.

"Arizona, Arizona" the therapist called her as she drifted out of her thoughts.

"Sorry I was just thinking…"

"It's ok, would you like to tell me what you were thinking of" Arizona shook her head softly, she did not feel like it was her place to share how she was feeling since it was not her who had been violated, her who had been…raped… it hurt her to even think of the word. So much power and disgust invested in one word. She sighed again.

The therapist looked at the couple before her, it was a tough journey that they had been put on, no one ever asked for this to happen to them. She sensed that Arizona was grieving as well but didn't feel that she was entitled to her feelings. Arizona needed to understand that it was ok for her to grieve as well without feeling guilty.

Callie fidgeted in her seat trying to get comfortable, she was not feeling much up to talking today, and not that she ever talked these days. She was angry she was very angry and she didn't know what to do with this much anger in her. Sometimes she felt like she had so much anger that she could physically hurt something, someone, and anything. Other times she felt so angry but it weakened her, made her stay in bed for a whole day, she felt like on days like that she could cry and never stop. Then there were days when she thought she was fine but that fine that came with being numb. Callie looked to Arizona, she had been amazing through this whole time, she made her feel loved and she occupied her thoughts by talking about work, life anything and everything.

"Ok, we want to try something different today, Arizona I want you to tell me how you feel" The therapist said looking at Arizona. Arizona looked at her a bit perplexed "Me? You want me to tell you how I feel", Arizona ran her hand through her beach blonde shoulder length hair, Callie looked at her, she used to love it when Arizona would get frustrated, these were the tail tell signs. The running of her hand through her hair, then she would squint her eyes, slightly and Callie found it sexy, especially when she held her breath then blew it out through her pouted lips. But then again, when she had found these tell tail signs it had been because of trivial things, happy moments, not frustration due to Callie being raped.

"Umm...Look, I don't really know what you want me to say." Arizona looked at the therapist she didn't want to talk about how she felt because it really was a lot and she didn't want to overwhelm Callie.

"Heey, Its ok, please I want to know how you feel" Callie scooted closer to Arizona bridging the space that had been between them. In honesty she didn't know if she really wanted to hear it but it was better than her talking about how much anger she had because they all knew that now. "Please Ari. Its ok I want to know how you feel, I just. I haven't really been listening too you these past few weeks and you have been amazing"

Arizona looked at Callie her eyes pleading, begging her to say something. Argh! She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked down at Callie's hand on hers and Callie squeezed her hand, encouraging her.

"Ok, I'm ok" she laughed slightly, what a way to open up. Of course she wasn't ok, they weren't ok. "sorry I just, it's a reflex you know for people to say they feel ok, even patients they do it a lot, I'm not ok because I'm hurting for you Callie, I love you soo much, oh gosh I don't want to cry" she laughed again slightly willing her eyes to stop watering. Callie squeezed her hand again, she loved Arizona soo much as well. Seeing her in this moment made her know that at least she had Arizona and she had her whole life ahead with her and that gave her hope.

"Callie, I am so sorry for what happened to you, I feel a lot of anger towards this person that did that to you… to us. I will never stop loving you ok" her voice was beginning to get heavy with unshed tears and her throat was starting to get scratchy. She had something she needed to tell Callie about their last time. The last time they had sex. She cringed slightly at the memory, she didn't know how Callie would take it, she felt like them not talking about what had happened would eventually cause tension, or maybe she was being silly.

"Arizona you are doing amazing, keep going". The therapist looked at Arizona encouragingly, Arizona hated being coaxed like a child but she did need the encouragement anyways.

"Callie... I need us to talk about the last time… or I want you to listen" Callie looked at Arizona understanding what exactly what she meant. She wanted to grab her hand and her instinct was to take her hand away from Arizona. "No please don't, I want to hold your hand, I know this is difficult for you to hear…It's difficult for me to say as well but we need to talk about it..." Callie didn't say anything and Arizona took that as a yes or whatever. She cleared her throat and continued.

"That night... you came from work and you kissed me passionately, I loved it you hear me?" Callie looked at a spot behind Arizona avoiding eye contact. "Please look at me" Arizona said reaching up for Callie's chin with her free hand, she turned her around so their bodies were also facing each other, they scooted getting comfortable on the couch. Callie looked at her.

"Thank you. You kissed me and the kiss got heated and we started taking of our clothes. In the back of my mind I was telling myself that we needed to stop, that we weren't ready or that you weren't ready. But you were so into it and I just let you." Arizona coughed and squeezed Callie's hand. " we got to the bedroom and you took your jeans off and you had a strap on… you knew I'd never used one but you pushed me back on the bed and when I told you to stop what did you say to me?" Callie swallowed looking back at Arizona, she felt ashamed. She could see Arizona fighting back her tears. "I told you that. That I wanted you to be the same as me" she whispered looking down. "And when I tried to fight you off you pinned me down, I started to panic but I kept telling myself that no you when in a trance and that you needed to hurt someone... you looked me in the eyes just before you reached down to pull my panties to the side and I_" Callie interrupted her, "you were starting to cry, I had never felt so ashamed in my entire life. I was hurting and I wasn't thinking" Callie stopped clearing her throat, her voice was heavy and she was choking back tears, "I would never! Ever! Hurt you, I scared myself with what I did that day"

Arizona let go of Callie's hand and started to unbutton her blouse, she opened her blouse and took Callie's hand. "This", she traced Callie's hand on her shoulder where there was a bite mark "you bit me that night, it still hurts. And this" she traced her hand down to her lower stomach, she shifted back, "you bit me here again, and I let you that night because, I don't know really why but I felt like you needed to hurt something. She traced Callie's hand back to her chest and laid it on top of her heart. "I will always be here Callie, you scared me that night, I didn't want to admit it to myself but I was scared. I will always! Always! Be here for you, for us. I am your home, I am your person. My heart". She squeezed Callie's hand over her heart. "My heart is yours you hear me? So please…. Don't you ever do that again you hear me?" she whispered the last part looking back at Callie.

Callie was now crying. Arizona let go of Callie's hand and pulled her into a fierce hug and they cried softly together.

The therapist looked at them, her heart literary hurt for them. There was soo much love between the Callie and Arizona and she prayed for them. This was a step in the right direction.


End file.
